“I feel great,” I thought. “I feel like I could run a marathon. I’m actually ready to run another marathon.”

These are the thoughts that went through my head around the 11 mile mark at the NYC United Half Marathon in 2023. The last marathon before that was Chicago 2019, where I ended up with a hamstring tear that took months to heal. I thought I would never be able to run the 26.2 mile distance again; I actually had absolutely no desire to do so. But that changed in New York where the marathon bug bit me hard; I knew I was ready to give one another go. It was just a matter of where and when.

This summer, I made my gutsy move and registered for the TCS Waterfront Marathon (Toronto). My training has been great. Running has been strong and everything had been going the way I wanted it to until one mid-September long run when I was plagued with GI issues. I thought it was a one-off and went through the usual questions: What did I eat? Am I drinking enough? Am I getting sick? Is this another joy of being an aging runner? I had no answers. But each week, long run after long run, the problem persisted and, even though I worked on diet, fuelling, hydration, and slower paces, nothing seemed to help.

Last Monday, after my final long run, I finished asking myself “How am I going to be able to race next week if I can’t trust my stomach?” Ironically, my legs felt great. I split my run into 2 sessions (20km in the morning and 14km a few hours later), fully expecting to be running on dead legs for the second part; my legs were stiffer for the first 2 kilometres and the rest was smooth running. However, the thoughts of GI distress on race day consumed me, often ending with the thought “Maybe I shouldn’t run the marathon.”

Part of me wanted to be strong and believe that not showing up was not an option. I had done all of my homework: workouts, long run, recovery runs, healthy eating, more sleep….I felt ready for the test – until this morning. Today, I cancelled my hotel room for Saturday night, I cancelled the dogs’ stay at the kennel, and I relieved my young adult of his job to be my cheerleader. Today, I decided not to run; I cancelled my plans to marathon.

Am I upset? Yes. But I also know that it is the right thing to do. I need to focus on my health and delicately balance my training and fitness goals around it. My gut (no pun intended) tells me that I am dealing with a new food sensitivity such as a gluten allergy. This could also be a medical concern but, since I am only symptomatic during a run, I think it has to be related to diet. Either way, I am using the next few months to figure out what is wrong and move forward.

The TCS Waterfront Marathon was not my end-game; it has been part of a bigger plan. While I am not thrilled about walking away, especially with less than a week to go, I am proud of the work that I have done and am confident that I can cover the 42.2km distance – just not in a big event like Toronto’s. At the moment of writing this, I am actually toying with the idea of a more stressfree virtual marathon – my pace, my route, my time.

The time and energy that I put into the last four weeks of training reminded me of how much I love to run and made me realize how much more I want to accomplish. First, though, I need to take a step back, prioritize my health and do what feels right. Then, I can keep chasing my dreams.