Ten years ago, I took a nasty spill on a January evening run. I hit a chunk of ice on the road which literally sent me flying; I clearly remember thinking “Why am I flying?” Seconds later (or fractions of a second; the whole experience was a bit surreal), my chin whacked the ground and I felt a ringing from one ear to the other. To keep a long story short, I fractured my jaw in four places: 2 on the upper and lower right, 1 on the bottom left and one along the mandible (bottom of my chin). I was off work, exercise and solid food for weeks. This created a real fear of ice and an apprehension to run when it is dark.

With the cold front coming through this weekend, I planned to run long yesterday. However, my busy week had me doing laundry late on Thursday and both pairs of tights were still damp yesterday morning. I bumped my run to the weekend and swam and rode instead; weekend commitments meant my run was going to be either in the late afternoon on Saturday or on Sunday, forecasted to be the coldest day so far this winter.

Like many runners, I spent the last 24 hours stalking The Weather Network, trying to decide which was going to be the best day and time to run. I decided on Sunday afternoon – cold (-9C, windchill -13C) but sunny. The sun always makes everything better.

This meant that my run this afternoon would be short and easy. I headed out in the late afternoon, weary of the ice that was starting to form on the roads. The sidewalks were not runable as there were already patches of ice on them. When I turned east, I was hit with an icy wind and by the time I hit the 4K mark, I decided that I should try to run until I was losing light and adjust my distance tomorrow. Soon after, I could feel my ears starting to turn pink (I had frostbite on my ears years and years ago, so I know that feeling) and decided to head home to grab a hat (it wasn’t suppose to be all that cold) and switch my gloves for a warmer pair. When I left my home for the second time, I still had daylight, the wind was picking up and roads were getting icier.

I decided to run on roads with bike lanes as that gave me more safe space away from the edge of the road, where the ice was forming. Running on busier roads also meant I had bright street lights to help me see what was in front of my feet. Of course, I ran facing traffic. I made the right decision to stay on the road as I saw 3 different people slip or fall on sidewalks at different points in the second half of my run. Despite this, I decided to keep going as I really did not want to run long in Sunday’s cold.

By 11km, I knew that I only had about 15 more minutes of daylight left. My pace was cautiously comfortable and my footing seemed fine. My confidence grew when I saw a few snowplows spreading salt on the roads and I felt a huge sense of relief when I made the last turn with only 3km left to run.

By the time I got home, I was oddly proud of myself. Running this afternoon and into the night may not have been the wisest choice, but it was the one that I made and I finished safely. I was outside of my comfort zone for most of it, only because of my own anxiety about running around ice and in the dark. Today’s run brought out a different type of mental toughness, ironically governed by a sense of caution. I am getting stronger both physically and mentally; I have learned to face challenges that I would have backed down from a few years ago.

I am equally proud of the route that I planned tonight. When I decided to change my cozy 6-8km jaunt to a long run, I had to plan my route “on the fly.” I estimated distances of different sections and adjusted them when I realized that they were a bit too short to give me a total of 17km. As it turned out, my watch beeped my 17th kilometre literally steps from where I planned to finish. My math angel must be proud.

Lastly, I am proud of the young gentleman that I have raised. When I got home, my fingers were frozen and I couldn’t undo my laces. My son walked in behing me, saw me struggling and quickly said, “Here, I’ve got this.” A few minutes before, I was feeling on top of the world for finishing a mentally tough run, only to feel deflated and old because I needed help with my shoelaces. Tomorrow, I will be wearing even warmer gloves.